This can be as long or short as I want to make it.
We’re talking protein and more specifically, meat and some fish. And we’re talking about this because I again find myself eating more pork than you would traditionally expect from me. Like that one season Brady Anderson hit 51 homers out of nowhere. It’s not that he didn’t have a ton of power and that I don’t like a good piece of pork. But really just about the overall volume that became so surprising to so many people.
So that’s me right now. Brady Anderson roided out of his mind eating McRibs and chops and ham steaks and pork shoulders. I’m unstoppable.
But is it the best? Let’s find out:
- Beef
- Pork
- Chicken
- White fish
- Tuna fish
- Salmon
- Turkey
- Tofu
These are fluid rankings and largely dependent on what white fish is available because I happen to love it quit a bit. But there’s a problem overcoming chicken when you have to beat both a tender and wing.
The surprising thing here is pork and how much it’s vaulted since being a notch above Salmon. Here’s what else I find interesting from bottom to top.
8. Tofu sucks but I’m still eating it because it’s a good source of protein. Mostly at FlatTop but often other asian-fusion establishments, like Benihana. In that case I’ll enjoy tofu but I’m not seeking it out. Like chubby redheads at a late night bar. I’ll fuck around but let’s not pretend it’s my first choice.
7. Turkey wouldn’t be on this list if my local meat market didn’t make a fine club sandwich. As it stands, they do and consequently the bird stays. And if we talk turkey, obviously I need to specify that I like dark over light, but the gap is closing every year. One day I’ll be dry and white only, which should mean death is next. But to be clear, that evolution is a very real thing. That’s actually one of the reasons why I cook two birds every year at my parents’ house. The variety keeps me sharp.
6. Salmon is tricky because the farm raised stuff will give you mercury poisoning and the fresh stuff is hard to come by. If you’re lucky, it’s an elite fish that is so easy to make. You just need to get comfortable removing the skin and working the bake temp setting. It’s cooking 101 and all you need is olive oil and lemon. That’s enough to make world class salmon. Is it versatile? Not really but it’s reliable and sometimes that makes for the better sex.
5. Tunafish is rich and delicious and a delicacy for a purpose. I don’t love canned tuna but I’ll eat it. More importantly, the big red tuna steaks are my favorite. Tuna tartare is also elite tier-1 appetizer. Problem is you just don’t come across great tuna as much as you’d like to see. Especially in the midwest.
4. Fancy Whitefish like a swordfish or halibut will always be my #1 fish. It’s light and rich and creamy and comes with some kinda lemon zesty sauce. It falls apart on the fork and costs you market price. Seasoned with capers and a pasta you could never make yourself and vegetables you would never eat, every bite is perfection. It’s the kind fish you absolutely cannot make at home for yourself which is what makes it such a good protein. The older I get, the more fancy whitefish I crave. It’s crazy because once upon a time, whitefish wasn’t in my top 10. Like I’m talking grilled cheese and PB&J over a good whitefish just because I had poor people southside nasty hillbilly tastebuds. But now I see the light and it’s brightly showing me that halibut is king of the open seas.
3. Chicken is boring. I don’t want to talk about it that much to be honest. I’m a little embarrassed it’s at 3 but I’m being honest with you guys. It’s simply so important. The only thing worth stressing I suppose is that I’m building a chicken coup on the property and we’re starting with 10 chickens this May. It’s going to be a combination chicken coup and a goat house. Plan is to add a cow next summer, but like this list, it’s a fluid situation.
2. Pork is on a rocket ship in the power rankings. I don’t know how we got here exactly. It’s just one day you wake up and you’re eating a lot of pork. Truthfully I can’t recall when it started but I know I’ve eaten a lot of salted pork in the last week. At least two pounds of bacon and a number of individually sliced ham steaks. They’re so delicious and easily prepared. A thumbdrop of mustard and a cold beer pairs nicely like I’m in Berlin sightseeing. Then you got an unlimited amount of BBQ options and sauces and sandwiches. Maybe not the cleanest animal but I think you could argue the 2nd most versatile and thus deserving of #2 on my list.
1. Beef is beef. It’s the best for a reason and the fanciest and most delicious and protein packed. It’s got the most variety and feeds the largest number of people. There’s really no reason debating this other than to say that it will never be usurped. It’s #1 now and forever and that’s never going to change no matter how much of a threat the Europeans try to say it is to the environment. I’m not letting you cut my beef intake on the grounds of greenhouse gasses and carbon emissions. You can literally take the Culvers from my cold dead hands before you put a limit on how much red meat I can eat. And if you think I’m crazy for even considering this, then I have bad news to share: the global elite is hard at work trying to kill the cow. Pretty soon we’ll be eating each other if they get their way. So just keep your eyes peeled for that I guess and of course, enjoy your beef. It’s #1 for a reason fellas.
Do you agree or disagree? And more importantly, what protein did I miss?