Some times it feels good to watch a coyote get choke slammed into oblivion and this is one of those times. Especially for me personally as coyotes lurk around Sterk Family Farms like a bunch of assholes. It’s been a long mating season and quite frankly I’m sick of their shit.
A couple weeks ago I heard our resident fox being ruthlessly murdered outside our front door. It sounded like a cute little puppy was being thrashed to pieces. So bad that our neighbor texted us for the first time in about year, which is awesome with respect to neighbor-relations. That’s the exact frequency in which we should be talking, and it took a murderous coyote to trigger the next communicative event.
Honestly it was pretty jarring for a couple reasons: first off I had a great relationship with our fox to the point that I let the vegetation overgrow by his den to give him a leg up on squirrel hunting. He appreciated it enough to tell me personally one morning while he was out for a walk. He literally stopped, nodded towards his den, then gave me a full blown wink with another head nod, which in fox translates to Thanks for having my back you handsome son of a bitch. So that’s one of the reasons I was upset with the coyotes murdering my fox. We got along quite well.
Another reason is that I think Scottie Puppen would dominate Coyotes but I also don’t want to find out. Coyotes are much bigger than the description leads on. They’re skinny but they’ve got wiry strength, and that’s scary strength when you’re talking about a fist fight. They’re like UFC hardos scaling down a couple weight classes to beat up on easier competition.
Meanwhile Scottie is a solid 100+ pounds and extremely mean, but has absolutely no stamina. A decently led pack could easily outsmart him, which haunts my daydreams. I read somewhere that Coyotes will trick a dog into thinking they’re playing together, and then they attack it from behind one after another. That’s a terrifying thought and enough for me to be on guard at all times when Coyotes approach the property.
Enough to stage a rifle by the front door?
Probably not, although my neighbor said that would be legit. And that’s plenty of reason to fire a gun in today’s sick cruel world. I just don’t know how comfortable Mrs. Carl would be with volleys of rifle fire during her next conference call with a pharmaceutical rep. So consider the Sterk Family Farms armory a fluid situation with the range to be fully loaded.
For now I just wanted to share that video of the coyote getting his ass kicked so I could blow some steam off my chest about the species. So that’s what we did.
PS – It’s all fun and games until your wife demands you buy a small herd of goats this spring. Which means now you have to figure out how to safely house goats (plus chickens) despite constant threats from local predators. That’s when it starts to turn serious and I’m speaking from personal experience. This is only the beginning of what should be the biggest challenge of my life.
PPS – I found a free version of Coyote Ugly. You’re welcome.