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Alright so kind of a tough stretch here for me turning 38 and just getting dunked on repeatedly by Rory McIlroy, Cam Smith and a 5am first pitch in Tokyo tomorrow morning. Not really an ideal situation for *hopefully* the 2nd half of my life and that’s before I admit that I was stupid enough to think the Bears actually had pick 114.
How dumb am I?
Very stupid.
Especially if you measure stupidity in actions and not just computing power. Because if you go between the ears, I’m actually not complete shit-for-brains. But if you keep score on a basis of behavior, then by all means I’m dumber than mulch.
In the present case, I actually let myself believe the Bears got a 4th round pick from Carolina when there’s legitimately no record of that ever happening.
This guy breaks it down perfectly.
Talk about a real shit show.
And normally I’d write this off as another classic Bears front office mistake, like the time they traded Greg Olsen for an extra set of shoulder pads or the time we forgot to sign wide receivers for Jay Cutler.
But no my friends. Not when the NFL website itself is saying the Bears have the pick from Carolina
How does this mistake happen?
And is it possible for the Bears to claim more picks? Like it’s 1580 and we just stole a map from Portugal to the New World. Can we just raid Caribbean settlements and steal picks from the Cleveland Browns?
I don’t think it works like that but I think it would be a unique wrinkle for future drafts.
THE BEARS CHALLENGE SEATTLE FOR THEIR 5TH ROUND PICK
**Two randomly selected fans fight to the death in a Home Depot Parking Lot**
Okay maybe not death but there absolutely should be some fan influence over draft capital and roster construction.
And even if not, then we can at least agree there should never be confusion like this with the NFL draft. We’re only talking about the single most important offseason day in any sport. And we’re really only talking about a handful of draft picks per team.
So how do you lose track of one?
I don’t know either and apparently it doesn’t really matter according to the experts.
And while on topic, Adam Hoge is one of my favorite Bears follows and I think it’s rooted in 2 things: (1) top notch expertise and (2) overwhelming apathy. So when I lump him in with the experts, I really mean it. He knows his shit and just as important, he knows how to deliver it to Bears fans. So let me use this as an opportunity to endorse his work.
And in this case, his work suggests that the Bears never even had a shot on 114. It was Dallas’s pick to give away and people like me are complete morons for walking around mock drafting 114 in our heads.
With that in mind, these are my major takeaways:
- There’s absolutely no reason to mock draft into the 4th round without having severe mental issues. Truly a sign of pre-crime tendencies and something you want to get checked out if applicable.
- Pick #114 will at least be an All Pro, and probably one of the best 4th round picks of all time for no other reason than it would cause me great pain and anguish.
- Ryan Poles did this on purpose to create leverage because now everyone thinks he’s stupid and that’s exactly how you fleece people trading down
Dramatic, sure. But when you put it like that, it’s actually quite brilliant to lull the opposition to sleep. Because now everyone assumes they’re getting an advantage over Poles and that’s exactly where you want opposing GMs: inflated and WRONG.
So even if we never had this draft pick in the first place, I don’t think you could have played it any better than Ryan Poles. Truly a masterclass in deception and yet another reason why I love where this 2025 Bears team is headed. Even if it makes me a complete moron in the process.