The big baseball news everyone’s talking about today is Torpedo bats.
The next big thing is obviously backup catcher Carson Kelly’s cycle.
But keep going down the list and you’ll soon learn that Lance Lynn retired from baseball today, and that’s significant because Lance Lynn was a very good pitcher for a number of years.
15 years. 2,000 innings. 143 wins and 95 million dollars.
The real story to me though is Lance Lynn announced it on his wife’s podcast.
Dymin In The Rough
I can’t speak on the difference between Hillbillies and Rednecks, but Lance Lynn is on that scatterplot. I can guarantee you that.
And in that guarantee, I would have never imagined him cozying up to his old lady criss crossed apple sauce on the corduroy couch to open up about retirement.
I want to laugh at him and rip on her, but this is peak post-modern America. All that’s missing is an energy drink and mango vape in one hand with a FanDuel sponsorship in the other.
Otherwise I’m safe to declare fringe WAG podcast season is upon us starring Dymin Lynn in Not Just Your Typical Behind The Scenes Look At Behind The Scenes Stuff
How we got to this point should and will be studied by future generations to come.
On a personal side, I’ve podcasted maybe 1,000 times in my life and I have no idea why millionaires want to do it as a hobby when you could be sitting on a beach or doing pilates or fingering yourself. I mean there’s a billion other better ways to spend your time recreationally that makes no sense.
But apparently this is a problem for rich guys and their hot wives. I know a bunch of rich guys with hot wives and they’re always starting a new business or sinking money into something to occupy the old lady. Boutique stores in Lincoln Park and commercial real estate marketing careers and home studio renovations and Mom-Fluencing on Tik Tok and all this dramatic shit just to fill the 9-5 with some kind of purpose. And quite frankly the whole dynamic seems exhausting because you’re solving a problem that doesn’t exist.
So what should I do with my time?
I don’t know, but I recommend you take podcasting off the list immediately.
Inside Sports Life with Rex Ryan & Wife Michelle: Fantasy Leagues, Game Day Rituals, and Pep Talks