I used to run a blog series on Barstool Sports called The Bookie Chronicles. It was a series that shared degenerative-gambling personal stories from the Barstool community and it was very funny. Mostly because it covered just disgusting behavior that a lot of us find relatable.
In that spirit, I wanted to reprise some of the stories because they were ultimately deleted during the Penn integration. Something about regulators evaluating Barstool as a risk and finding my blog series as evidence of poor behavior or improper standards. Some bullshit like that and then one day they were all deleted.
Unsatisfied with that result, I made the decision to archive every Bookie Chronicle submission for a later day.
This is that later day and as such, I’ll share just one story to set the mood. If we’re being honest, I’m still getting used to 10 blogs a day and what’s turning into about 6-7,000 published words. So cut me some slack as I get back into blogging shape. The long-term goal would be to share about 3-4 of these per post or maybe compile the best into a coffee table book.
For now I just want to wet my dick a little bit on the topic and give you guys something to keep an eye out for. And should you be compelled, you can always send me new stories to Carl@CarlsBlogs.com and I’ll put the best ones on the blog weekly.
With that, let’s get to a Bookie Chronicle
When To Cash Out?
So I’ll cut right to it, this football season things changed for me. I’m a normal spread bettor that usually breaks around even on the whole season and gambles just to make the games fun. But this year I got drunk and placed a 8 team parlay for NFL week 1 and forgot about it the next day. Fast forward to week 1 Tuesday morning, check my account and I’m suddenly up about 100 units (drunk me bets a little heavier than normal.) My first thought, “Holy shit this is awesome”, second thought “fuck now I’ll have to chase this all season.”
Week 2 I get fucking murdered chasing all sorts of crazy underdog moneyline parlays thinking I’ve got this shit figured out and I’m about to retire at 26. Wrong wrong wrong.
Week 3 I’m thinking about hanging up my spurs when I hit again. I don’t even remember the teams because at this point I’m just sitting on my phone picking random teams just chasing that high again.
Week 4 I discover round robins and overextend myself just going fucking nuts thinking I’m about to make me some big boy money. Nothing and I mean nothing hits. I may have been the worst gambler on the planet last week.
Now I sit Friday of week 5, 91 cents in my bovada account, watching some college game with teams I don’t give a shit about like it’s my team playing for the Super Bowl. In my head I know I should have cashed out after that first big hit, bought myself a fancy steak dinner and put the rest in my savings, but we all know it doesn’t work that way. The high is just too damn high and you bet your ass that last 91 cents is going into some sort of parlay to save my ass.
We’ll colonize Mars before establishing some kind of uniform standard on when to cash out. It’s maybe the hardest decision any of us face with the advent of online gambling vs. working a credit system with your traditional bookie.
The old days you set a limit with a man named Rodger. Above that limit, you got paid. Lose below your limit, you owe cash. Anything inbetween does not require cash changing hands. On that alone, I will always prefer a bookie system at the expense of having bad lines and modern inconveniences for the primary reason that the cash collection system is so much better. There’s so much less thinking.
Nowadays you have to set budgets and limits and Chase withdrawals. You need to get approved and then sandbag you with a 1% discount to get your CASH RIGHT NOW. They’re always charging fees and sticking it up the man’s ass for the sake of increased profitability. All of that stuff you never had to deal with.
And in this story, you see it on full display. Under a traditional bookie system, you’d get an envelope of cash after week 1. And while it’s a guarantee you’ll blow your winnings just like you ended up doing anyways, the nice thing is you actually have the cash in your hand to spend. You can go get a big dinner and some nice drinks. You can take the old lady out for some good hotel sex. You can get that record player or whatever the hell it is you’re saving up for.
And then subsequently you can blow your entire credit line on future parlays in weeks 2-5. Obviously those will lose because you’re going to almost always lose parlays. And you’re gonna be down. But at least you had that week 1 with the cash in your pocket to spend, so that’s nice.
Online gambling now, you don’t even get the rush of blowing money on Jameson shots for the boys. You’re robbed of all those thrills because the transaction experience is all digital. It’s all different and that really pisses me off.
So while I’m sorry you dragged it down to 91 cents for midweek MACtion, I have to admit that you were doomed from the start. It’s unavoidable and worst part is you didn’t even have a chance to get a handjob at Pink Monkey. That’s certainly no way to celebrate an 8 teamer.
My advice? Try to create cash out limits and stick to them. The fact you emailed me on this topic suggests that you obviously can’t stick to these type of self disciplines. But alas I still think it’s worth the effort. Otherwise you can go months/years/forever without ever holding cash in hand from a gambling win and that blows. Most people only use the deposit button but you can challenge yourself to withdraw right?
I hope so. Otherwise you’re just burning money without even getting a communications degree from a directional state school. That’s no way to live my friend.
Next time cash out and go feel some hooters. Treat yourself so you can remember something good when it all inevitably goes bad.
Make sense?
If not, email me again Carl@CarlsBlogs.com and I’m happy to address further.
Same goes for anyone with a good gambling story. I’ve got about 300 in the tank to share but I’m always looking for more.
Thank you and God Bless.
[…] You can find last week’s blog right here. […]