The Chicago Cubs Are 0-5 Since Clinching The Playoffs And Here’s Exactly What I Think About That

I was going to tweet about this but needed a little bit more time and space to explain myself. So we are here now on the blog which reminds me to remind you guys that:

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For now though just wanted to specifically get some shit off my chest, like how I think it’s absolute fuckin BULLSHIT the Cubs have dropped 5 in a row since going out for beers in Pittsburgh.

NEVERMIND THE BREWERS.

But since you mention them – they’ve dropped 4 of their last 5 and any combination of winning 1 games against the Giants, 2 games against the Nationals and 3 of their last 5 would put the Cubs 1.5 games out with 5 to play.

Nevermind a full 162.

But again, since you bring it up then I’m compelled to say the Cubs surrendered any chance at a division the second we started cracking Bud Lights in Pittsburgh.

Am I out of touch? Is it normal to celebrate a postseason appearance like that? Did we just completely check out for the last 10 games of the season because we swept the last place Pirates with our 1-2-3 starting pitchers?

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills by the handful washed down with a pint of bleach.

Are we serious adults here?

Because I have to admit that I’m extremely bothered with how much of a pussy Craig Counsell comes across to me in this moment.

Sure it’s time to celebrate. Maybe. Idk. For $8,000,000 he sure looked surprised to make the playoffs.

I’LL GO FULL MEATBALL IF I WANT TO

My point is that we’re laying eggs and I hate it. Right before the playoffs and even with a chance to have reclaimed the division miraculously because the Brewers are falling apart. Both of those work together and they both suck.

To be fair – I’m more mad about the momentum and looking like a bunch of JV virgins with smelly fingers after turnabout. The fact we’re still hungover from clinching one of the six postseason spots a full week ago is downright inexcusable for a group of grown men much less finely tuned professional athletes

Not even 10 years ago we had World Champions that routinely played above the legal limit.

World Champs.

And now we got World Chumps drinking Bud Lights from a sippy cup and dropping 5 straight.

We just can’t hang.

Nice thing is we got some time to straighten things out.

Specifically 5 games left in the season with a magic number of 4 to host playoff games. The same magic number for like 5 days now but a different talking point because I don’t want to get mad and punch a wall here.

What I want to say is that we need a bounce back tonight against the Mets.

I need these guys on oxygen tanks until batting practice. I need the magnesium and calcium tablets going. Get the pedialyte on ice if that’s necessary. Do whatever it takes but please just shake this stupid 5-day hangover.

And nevermind the alternate universe where we play good baseball in September and still compete for the division to the last weekend. The reality is that we’re blowing home-field advantage in the Wild Card in real time and we need to focus our efforts there where it matters.

Now someone do me a favor and please go win a fucking baseball game tonight.

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