WGN – (The Hill) — President Donald Trump signed an executive order directing the federal government to return to using plastic straws.
“We’re going back to plastic straws,” he said, adding that paper straws “don’t work.”
The move comes after former President Joe Biden set a goal of phasing out the government’s use of single-use plastics.
At the time, the Biden White House said an increase in plastic production and waste has been “littering our ocean, poisoning the air of communities near production facilities, and threatening public health.”
While it’s not totally clear what material straws, if any, would have replaced plastic in federal use under the Biden directive, other types, including paper, may also pose environmental and health concerns. A 2023 study found that compounds known as PFAS, which make materials water resistant but can be toxic, were found in almost all types of straws, including paper and bamboo.
So fun fact about me is I’m kind of a huge weirdo when it comes to certain food things. For example I do not keep a microwave in the house because I think it’s bad for a number of reasons that can be fixed with a little bit of patience and a cast iron skillet. That makes me a gigantic hardo but it’s something I can’t avoid because I sincerely believe nothing good comes from the microwave.
Same thing goes for deodorant. This one’s weirder – I refuse any type of grocery deodorant. Instead I use smallbatch handmade charcoal from some hippie farm that Mrs. Carl sourced on instagram. The reason is it’s better for your pours and sensitive skin, which I have in spades. And not to be alarming, but some basic research into Big Deodorant will show you the science is kinda janky and not good for the body. Or something like that.
Anyways these are just a few small examples. I have plenty more like generally avoiding bluetooth, local farm eggs only, almost no dairy save for pizza, limited can tuna and even more limited sugar. And again these are just small examples of a broader initiative that’s primarily drawn from quasi-hypochondriac health concerns. My wife thinks I overreact but is otherwise supportive of keeping things out of the home.
All this to say that I draw the line on plastic straws. I don’t care how unhealthy it is for me in the long run or what micro particles are infiltrating my smoothies. There’s nothing you can say or scare into me that will me want to use a paper straw over plastic. Some things just cannot be compromised and the structural integrity of my beverage is at the absolute top of the list.
Which has me wondering – did Trump campaign on this issue? Because I got very excited to see plastic straws getting positive publicity. And if you think I’m joking, I would have you know that I will inconvenience myself into Panera because they have the best plastic straws and I often times take two handfuls to restock my home supply – a fair transaction based on surging turkey prices in my opinion.
My point is that I like plastic straws a lot and I think the war on them was just to supply some contracts to some insiders for paper straws. There’s no other reason to industrialize the paper straw supply chain, but that’s exactly what happened in this country.
Fortunately, this to me is a huge bipartisan win and also a good opportunity to stress this will not be a political blog. And I won’t be covering the executive orders as much as it may seem through the first couple weeks of CarlsBlogs.com. Only when convenient or electric or I think something should be appropriately celebrated, like the return of plastic straws. \
In that spirit, here are the best straws ranked:
- McDonalds
- Starbucks
- Chick Fil A
- Wendys (classic)
- Bubble Tea
- Dairy Queen
- A&W (east of Mississippi)
- Culvers
Worst: 7-11 slurpee straw has always been a thorn in my ass
What did I forget?