Trey Anastasio is performing tonight solo at the Chicago Symphony music center and I’m going with the whole family and I have absolutely no idea what to expect. In my opinion that’s exactly how it should be for something like this, so I’m refusing all coverage and clips etc. in lieu of witnessing it first hand tonight. So hopefully it’s a good experience otherwise I can guarantee you I’ll be coming back here to bitch about it.
In that spirit, here’s 3 things that could ruin the night:
- Phish Fans – I like the band, love a concert at Alpine and absolutely hate the zombie hippies that come with. I’m sure a lot of them are nice people but I just don’t trust them not to pick pocket me or just generally smell like the bathroom at Kams. Even if they come in peace, it’s actually quite disturbing. So right off the bat, I think the #1 contender to impede the experience is an unruly zombie hippie within arms reach of the seats.
- Not knowing to sit or stand – If it’s just one guy with an acoustic guitar at the symphony center, I think it’s safe to say we’ll be seated for 95% of the performance. However this is where things get dicey because you could get some people clapping in rhythm like it’s a John Tesh residency at The Flamingo in the late 90’s. You know the scene. People get so excited they compulsively start clapping to the beat of the song. And then a handful of people stand up – they start encouraging everyone else to stand up – nobody else wants to get up. Now it’s awkward. Now you’re looking at the guy waving to his section and you’re judging him negatively instead of listening to the music. Now you’re mad so you say hey buddy sit the fuck down. But your wife doesn’t like it because people are staring at you. So now you’re fighting with your old lady about whether it’s appropriate to say that to a stranger ruining the night. HE SHOULDNT BOTHER YOU and it’s all because some lady with fat triceps started clapping. I would hate for this to happen.
- Bad crab cakes – We’re getting dinner before the show and my dad loves crab cakes and oysters. So I can guarantee you we have some dangerous seafood options on the literal table to start the night and that could get sloppy once my sister in law gets the wine going. All this could get much worse if we’re middle of the section and seated and I gotta take a massive seafood dump. But to take that dump, I have to navigate a crowd of Phish fan zombie hippies. All of that combined together makes for a disaster scenario so maybe I just avoid the crab cakes all together, right? Wrong. Dead wrong buddy. Might even get two orders just because.
Honorable mention of things that could ruin the night:
- Getting robbed
- A fire
- Sitting next to a talkative stranger
- Uncomfortable footwear
- Spilling wine on my wife’s dress
- Smelly Uber driver
If I can limit most/all of those then I think we’re off to a good night.
Most important though is getting a big family night out in the city together. Especially as we get older and all that shit. You just don’t get as many opportunities to mix in a big dinner and hang out like this once you get older-old balls like 38. So enjoy the opportunities you get while you get them and I’ll do the same tonight.
PS – Go Cubs.