I know this is mostly a Chicago sports blog and things shouldn’t be taken too seriously at any point because we’re inherent losers and reduced to our self-made-misery.
But every now and then I need to fulfill a civic duty and this is one of those desperate times as Brandon Johnson is about to set the dogs loose with 16 new speed cameras.
WGN – CHICAGO – The City of Chicago will be activating 16 new speed cameras on Tuesday, April 1.
The cameras will be in the following locations, mostly near parks and schools:
5432 North Central
3665 North Austin
2716 West Logan
1341 West Jackson
1455 West Grand
2728 South Archer
3510 West 55th
2310 East 103rd
8740 South Vincennes
7115 North Sheridan
5857 North Broadway
4714 North Ashland
4118 North Ashland
220 West Fullerton
5059 North Damen
6824 West Foster
A lot of people are visual learners so here’s the addresses laid out on a map courtesy of WGN.
These are my observations:
- Most of these cameras are capturing the north/south flow of traffic and I think that’s predatory when you consider the city doesn’t even move east/west. It’s almost entirely north/south and I think that’s unfair and inappropriate government oversight. Otherwise how else do you explain 3 speed cameras within 1 mile of each other in Irving Park? That’s the frontlines of northside diversity and I’m surprised to see Brandon Johnson target it so brazenly and aggressively.
- 87th and Vincennes does not need speed cameras. It needs shotspotter.
- Throwing a speed camera on the southeast side at 2310 E 103rd is absolute fuckin bullshit because those people deserve so much better. It’s a community that’s tirelessly self-sacrificed for the sake of Chicago commerce since the city’s inception in the mid 19th century. And how do we repay them? By closing the ports, taking on mountains of unsustainable pension liability, and then automatically flagging motorists in excess of 9mph of the stated speed limit. Meanwhile we’re still going to expect St. Francis De Sales to compete with Mt. Carmel for the kids from Annunciata? My butt cheeks.
- 3665 N Austin targets a lot of cars heading north/south through Austin/Addison. That’s why I think it’s better for a red light camera than a speed camera. The intersectional traffic suggests you’ve got more concerns for obeying traffic signals than you do speeding to make a yellow light. I don’t know if that makes sense to you guys but if you know the intersection than you 100% understand my concerns.
- 6824 W Foster is almost north enough to be in Edison Park and that’s where you draw the line on speed cameras because it’s almost 100% cop/firefighter/city service worker. So historically speaking, you’d never see any kind of camera even remotely close to that neighborhood. But times have changed and specifically Brandon Johnson wants to put his stamp on things. So 6824 W Foster gets a speed camera even if it’s way too close to the old guard’s stomping grounds. And while we’re at it, he doubled up on the West Loop with some horrific speed cameras on Jackson and Grand.
- Newsflash: if someone’s hauling ass at 1400 W Grand, it’s because they’re a Miami (Ohio) grad working for Saleforce and they’re about to get carjacked
- Logan Square gets a new speed camera and that’s fine because Logan Square people are entitled assholes with low societal contributions. If there’s ever a group of people to fine and penalize for the benefit of others, it’s those fucksticks and their single gears.
- I didn’t even know 220 W Fullerton existed without swimming in Lake Michigan?
- That’s the drop off zone for Lincoln Park Zoo which technically makes this the dumbest speed camera of all time because you literally can’t speed. It’s such a bad location that you have to assume it’s a kickback installation for the mayor’s slush fund. Bold assumption but I don’t have a choice when you consider traffic patterns. So while absurd, I’m just going to believe Brandon Johnson got a cash bonus for giving up 220 W Fullerton to the speed cameras. And if you have a better explanation, I’m all ears.
- Finally I just want to say Chicago is at it’s best with no speed limit. There’s so much inherent violent crime that that it’s nearly impossible to say you care about public safety. So why do we even pretend with these campaigns?
- The alternative is to embrace the Dan Ryan lifestyle where anything less than 100mph is a sign of weakness to be eradicated from this planet. And while that sounds crazy, you can’t argue with 15 minute travel times across the city any more than you can say speed cameras are an effective tool in the name of Law & Order. In fact you can’t even try. So just do us a favor Brandon and fuck off with your cameras you big creep.
[…] Breaking Down The 16 New Speed Cameras That Brandon Johnson Activated Today […]